You know how when a famous, rich, and/or powerful person is odd, they’re often described as eccentric, whereas an average person with exactly the same habits might be described as weird or strange? Well, our theory is that when we like our perceived imperfections or they don’t bother us too much, we describe them as quirks or idiosyncrasies instead of imperfections or flaws. Same exact thing with a different name and a completely different meaning, energy, and connotation.
You may have missed it, fam, but we recently passed Quitters’ Day, the day about two weeks into January when it’s said that most people quit their resolutions for the new year. So, we figured this was the ideal time to talk about why we’re quitters — and proud of it. We are all about quitting things that aren’t working for us, especially soul-sucking resolutions based on pushing and striving.
Today, we are so excited to highlight a topic we touch on often, the intersection of perfectionism and mental health, and we’ve brought in expert help in the form of Dr. Ghazal Ghaysar, Clinical Forensic Psychologist and Director of Clinical Communication of OOTify, a mental health marketplace powered by technology, content, and connection. Join us as we endeavor to create positive community and erase stigma around mental health.
Well, fam, we made it! Here we are, on the very last day of 2018, and there’s no way we’d rather spend it than with you. 🥳 Welcome to part one of our two part series reviewing the year that was and planning for the year to come. Let’s begin by taking stock of all the goodness and learning lessons of the past year to help us make the most of the next one.
You know we’re alllllllll about self-care around here, fam, and this time of year calls for an extra compassionate self-care plan. With the year coming to an end, winter upon us, and the holiday season in full swing for those who celebrate, we all need a little nudge to amp up the self-love. So, we’re here to share our survival guide for getting through this season or any season that’s more challenging than most.
What does it mean to be a conscious recovering perfectionist? Also, can we raise our vibes while still coexisting with our perfectionist tendencies? The answers to both of these questions come in the form of one glorious human who is joining us on the podcast today, Alexandra Romney of Soulrise Tribe.
What makes us worthy? Is it our positive qualities + traits, how much money we have in the bank, our job title, how productive we are, what others think of us, how much we weigh, what we look like, how big our house is?
Most of us spend our lives chasing these external metrics and alleged barometers of worth. But what if not a single one of those things could increase or decrease our worthiness in this world? What if worthiness was an inside job? True fact: It is. ✅
While some of us are drawn to conflict like a magnet, most of us recovering perfectionists and people pleasers avoid discord and fights at all costs. The mere concept of disagreement has us feeling overwhelmed and wanting to run full speed in the opposite direction. We don’t know what to do, what to say, how to keep from crying -- or worse, laughing -- at the most inappropriate times.
You know that feeling when you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop? You’re scared, constricted, expecting the worst, have a rollercoaster in the pit of your stomach — and not the good kind. 🎢 That’s what it feels like to be approaching life from a place of scarcity. Sounds pretty freaking gross, right?
Productivity, income, career, weight + body shape, relationships… We perfectionists and recovering perfectionists are pros at setting unrealistically high expectations for ourselves and others in each of those areas and more. Living with high expectations is practically a perfectionist superpower. Whether applied to ourselves or those around us, our over the top expectations inevitably lead to disappointment, judgment, criticism, and anger. These expectations can cut down our self-esteem and self-worth, sabotage our relationships, and stand in the way of getting what we truly want.
How many of us are walking around this world every day in an invisibility cloak? Trying to take up as little space as possible -- literally and figuratively, staying safely within the boundaries of our comfort zones, and hoping no one really sees or notices us. Because if they did, they might notice our flaws, our eff ups, our shortcomings. The last thing most of us recovering perfectionists want to invite into our lives is more judgment, whether from ourselves or others, and visibility often means vulnerability.
For most of us recovering perfectionists, our relationship status with change is: It’s complicated. We love us some homeostasis, right? Control, stability, certainty. Just reading those words gives us the warm fuzzies. But what about growing, striving, becoming better, pursuing (the lie of) perfection? Well, that requires change.
From choosing what to have for dinner to planning our next career moves, making a decision can feel im-freaking-possible for us recovering perfectionists, people pleasers, and comparison junkies. We become paralyzed by allllllllll the options and by our desire to make the “perfect” choice so we can somehow miraculously avoid any possibility of failure or regret. We search for certainty and guarantees of success where none exist and often get stuck in endless surveying and outsourcing our decisions to others.
Of all the things we want less of in our lives, most of us would put stress at the top of that list. Less stressing means more living, right?
Our guest this week, Courtney Elmer, learned that lesson the hard way when she was diagnosed with cancer at age 25. Since then, she’s made it her mission to bring more life into her life and those of the people she coaches. As an Empowerment Speaker and Stress Coach, Courtney shows us how to pinpoint and eliminate the underlying causes of stress and overwhelm so we can live more vibrant, fulfilling lives.
Which of these sounds scarier…
Being forced to watch 90 minutes of a gruesome horror movie or
Having to sit in complete silence for the same amount of time?
It turns out that can be a tough choice, especially for us perfectionists. Silence can be scary, and although it may seem counterintuitive, it can be productive, too.