Before meeting today’s guest, we frankly hadn’t given much thought or exploration to the concept of dignity and its relationship to perfectionism. As we soon learned, the links between dignity and perfectionism are powerful, and hearing our guest, Nya Abernathy, explain them truly blew our minds.
Today’s guest has figured out the secret sauce for turning perfectionism into a force for good in her life and in the world without letting herself be defined by it. We are so excited to introduce you to OG Eff Perfect fam member and inspiration in human form, Leslie Kuny of West Coast Leslie Designs.
You know how when a famous, rich, and/or powerful person is odd, they’re often described as eccentric, whereas an average person with exactly the same habits might be described as weird or strange? Well, our theory is that when we like our perceived imperfections or they don’t bother us too much, we describe them as quirks or idiosyncrasies instead of imperfections or flaws. Same exact thing with a different name and a completely different meaning, energy, and connotation.
Well, fam, we made it! Here we are, on the very last day of 2018, and there’s no way we’d rather spend it than with you. 🥳 Welcome to part one of our two part series reviewing the year that was and planning for the year to come. Let’s begin by taking stock of all the goodness and learning lessons of the past year to help us make the most of the next one.
You know we’re alllllllll about self-care around here, fam, and this time of year calls for an extra compassionate self-care plan. With the year coming to an end, winter upon us, and the holiday season in full swing for those who celebrate, we all need a little nudge to amp up the self-love. So, we’re here to share our survival guide for getting through this season or any season that’s more challenging than most.
What does it mean to be a conscious recovering perfectionist? Also, can we raise our vibes while still coexisting with our perfectionist tendencies? The answers to both of these questions come in the form of one glorious human who is joining us on the podcast today, Alexandra Romney of Soulrise Tribe.
What makes us worthy? Is it our positive qualities + traits, how much money we have in the bank, our job title, how productive we are, what others think of us, how much we weigh, what we look like, how big our house is?
Most of us spend our lives chasing these external metrics and alleged barometers of worth. But what if not a single one of those things could increase or decrease our worthiness in this world? What if worthiness was an inside job? True fact: It is. ✅
While some of us are drawn to conflict like a magnet, most of us recovering perfectionists and people pleasers avoid discord and fights at all costs. The mere concept of disagreement has us feeling overwhelmed and wanting to run full speed in the opposite direction. We don’t know what to do, what to say, how to keep from crying -- or worse, laughing -- at the most inappropriate times.
Productivity, income, career, weight + body shape, relationships… We perfectionists and recovering perfectionists are pros at setting unrealistically high expectations for ourselves and others in each of those areas and more. Living with high expectations is practically a perfectionist superpower. Whether applied to ourselves or those around us, our over the top expectations inevitably lead to disappointment, judgment, criticism, and anger. These expectations can cut down our self-esteem and self-worth, sabotage our relationships, and stand in the way of getting what we truly want.
Which of these sounds scarier…
Being forced to watch 90 minutes of a gruesome horror movie or
Having to sit in complete silence for the same amount of time?
It turns out that can be a tough choice, especially for us perfectionists. Silence can be scary, and although it may seem counterintuitive, it can be productive, too.
It’s no surprise that we talk a lot around here about what it means to be a perfectionist, so we’re switching things up today with our guest, Ryan Glassmoyer, who is a coach, workshop facilitator, and self-proclaimed proud imperfectionist. And because anxiety and perfectionism are closely linked, Ryan schools us on using self-love, personal responsibility, and mindfulness to build new habits, reduce + manage our anxiety, and turn down the volume on the chaos in our lives.
Uncertainty, unpredictability, ambiguity, doubt… More than the goriest horror movie, these gray area situations can strike fear in heart of many a recovering perfectionist. 😱 As perfectionists, we tend to gravitate toward structure and rules as a way to keep ourselves “safe,” and our preference for certainty can suck us deep into the trap of black and white thinking.
Perfectionism clearly gets a bad rap around here at Middle Finger to Perfection, and we tend to talk a lot about the struggles and downsides of perfectionism, people pleasing, and worthiness seeking, but are there good things about being a perfectionist? Today, Ashley and I shine some light on the positive side effects and hidden benefits of perfectionism. Welcome to the perfectionist hype hour! 🙌
No matter how much our rational brain knows that “perfect” relationships are a mythical unicorn (i.e., they don’t exist 🦄😭), our perfectionist brain inevitably tries to convince us that if we work really hard and do allllllll the right things, we’ll be able to ride that unicorn off into the sunset. But relationships are tough enough. We certainly don’t need toxic perfectionism creeping in and eating away at them.
Failure is such a freaking loaded term, and so many of us recovering perfectionists live in fear of it, desperately trying to avoid it at all costs. But in running from failure, we rob ourselves of so much goodness + joy along the way. Does failure really have to be such a bad thing? Is there a way for us to stop demonizing it...and maybe even start to embrace it? 😱 In this mini episode, we explore the concept of reframing failure (and success) and learning to see it as information, feedback, and maybe even a good thing.