Perfectionism can show up in so many stealthy ways. Whether you refuse to post a picture because you swear you have ‘armpit fat,’ or you procrastinate on projects out of fear of being criticized, or you agree with everything anyone ever says because you don’t want to cause an awkward moment, perfectionism is a sneaky killer of your potential and what you are truly capable of.
Why do we feel the need and desire to be liked by everyone, when in reality, it’s impossible? I mean, what’s so bad about not being liked? And what's so important about being popular and liked by everyone?
The short answer? Because we make it personal. We think “if they don’t like me, something must be wrong with me. I must be flawed.” We make their not liking us not about them, but about our character and who we are.
How might likability and perfectionism be showing up for you? Here are a few examples:
- You have multiple ‘masks’ you wear around different people to fit in.
- You hold your tongue to avoid an argument, uncomfortable moment or ‘looking stupid.’
- Even if you truly don’t agree with something, you agree anyway because it’s the easy and 'nice' thing to do.
- You make decisions in your life based on someone else’s happiness, not your own.
- You engage in activities that you don’t like in order to appeal to an individual or group.
Sound familiar? Yep, me too….
Here’s the thing: wanting to be liked by everyone is like wanting the sun to stop shining or the earth to stop turning. It just isn’t going to happen. Being liked by everyone is not what you are here to do. You are here to show up fully and be authentically YOU - regardless of what others think of you - because your worth, your value is not conditional on how many people like you, or don’t like you.
Mini Fuck-It’s for addressing perfectionism as wanting to be liked:
- Live from a place of authentic expression that comes from the essence of who you are, not what will be most popular.
- Design your life around your values and practice caring what you think about you.
- Don't apologize for opinions, thoughts or behaviors that speak to you and your heart.
- And finally...
Know that the risk of not being authentic far out-weighs the risk of not being liked.
Your worthiness and value are not dependent on how many people like you, or don't like you. Ignore those haters and sign the Eff Perfect Pledge - where failing at perfect is our greatest success.